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John_jb   SatanicDoom333   Clawedfrogsrule   Leira   JackAsp   DuckMonster  
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I’ve been giving poetry a shot, just wondered what you guys would think =]

Anger is the lack of happiness,
It comes after sadness has had its say.
Where frustration attacks your mind,
And you just die, day by day.

Where you’d rather lock yourself in,
And hide from society.
Where you’ll run from your friends,
To comfort your anxiety.

Anger comes after sadness,
After you mind gives up.
Frustration is your new happiness,
Fuel by your alcholic cup.

Life is never easy,
Sure... blame your self.
Have your own way to cope,
Do what you can to fill your shelf.

Talk to me with anger,
I will not care.
Talk to me with sadness,
Then sympathy will be fair.

We all see anger as negitivity in the person,
When really it’s the soul screaming sanity.
Sympathy to those who are angry isn’t common,
But that’s the real plea of humanity.

Thanks for reading guys

- John -

03/07/09  02:10pm


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  Message To: John_jb   In reference to Message Id: 1964587


its good but its missing the emotion. without emotion the poem is pointless. write after a day at work when your pissed for example. i write a lot-

My chest has been ripped open,
By a jagged knife,
My heart ripped out,
A knife stabbed into it,
My heart was returned,
To my broken body,
The knife sticking out,
My heart still beating,
The pain go’s on forever,
Til the mortal stakes me...

that was an old poem i wrote. im not going into detail bout it but most people that read it think its deep. i guess u could say its about enduring the pain in life and going on.

03/08/09  03:09pm


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  Message To: SatanicDoom333   In reference to Message Id: 1965055


The main difference between your two poems is imagry, SatanicDoom333, you have some great images to work with that paint the picture of what you’re saying, I just think you could work with organization a bit (though I know this was more of a "heat of the moment" poem, so you’re more focused on emotions than organizing them at that point)

The first poem was good, but abstract. The alcoholic cup was a good image, very concrete. If you continue the poem that way, with more visualization (what is anger? sadness?) it could be really great.

03/10/09  04:48pm


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  Message To: Clawedfrogsrule   In reference to Message Id: 1966194


I actually liked the first one. Yes, it lacked imagery, but all poems NEED imagery? While it is nice to be able to see a picture in your mind while reading something, I still thought the wording was nicely done, and the metaphorical meanings in some of the statements. Not every poem (in my opinion) needs to be all done up with an attempt to paint pictures in someones mind. When it comes to my writing, I tend to occasionally shy away from imagery and lean more towards using words in a way to provoke thoughts, not pictures. To me, it creates a philosophical way of looking at things, which I think is kind of cool.
Imagery isn’t everything. I think that straight-up thought provoking is just as important. So don’t feel like you have to go and re-write everything to paint some pretty pretty picture. I really liked it the way it was writen.

But don’t let me alter any of your opinions or anything. I am absolutely NO authority on writing poetry. I stick to stories. (Character development and plot lines is where I shine, hehe.) I don’t write poetry, I just read a lot of it.
In themselves, both poems were good in my opinion, but when you start to get critical and break them down into excruciating detail, then there’s always room for improvement. As for what needs to be improved, I think the only person with the right to make that decision is the writer him/herself. I sort of hate giving writing advice sometimes, because I feel like it’s telling the writer ’how’ to write, when the only person who can decide that is the writer, know what I mean???

Nice work to the both of you, and keep writing. It can really take you places. (and I’m sure you already know that, lol).

03/12/09  12:07am


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  Message To: Clawedfrogsrule   In reference to Message Id: 1966194


There was a monkey named Ted
who’s behind was so blindingly red
when a raging monsoon
blocked the light of the moon
"Me need you guide my sleigh," Tarzan said.

03/12/09  12:09am


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  Message To: JackAsp   In reference to Message Id: 1967094


Jack is having ways with wordz ;^)

04/30/09  07:10pm

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