Your Reptile and Amphibian Resource and Information Site

Back to *General Misc Forum   Forums   Home   Members Area  

*General Misc Forum

Rae rae   Cold Blooded Kisser   Rae rae   Clawedfrogsrule   Cold Blooded Kisser   Rae rae   Dane_Zoo   Rae rae   Cold Blooded Kisser   Rae rae  
 Member  Message

 #1950226


Rae rae
View Profile





 Discipline

what kind of discipline do you believe in for children? spanking? time out? restriction? all of the above? none of the above lol? just wondering



02/09/09  10:53pm

 #1950614


Cold Blooded Kisser
View Profile



  Message To: Rae rae   In reference to Message Id: 1950226


 Discipline

Hey rae rae!

I have to say my discipline depends on the child, what they have done and their age. For the most part we avoid any hitting/spanking..........not that I’m against it just not in our nature.

I have 3 children and each of them are so different so we discipline them differently. For instance my youngest son is 10 and the most stubborn person I have ever met. Spanking or screaming means nothing to him but giving him a time out on a chair in the middle of the kitchen is like torture for him. If I put my middle son in the same time out he would find a way to make a game out of it. So he gets items or events taken away from him if he’s disobedient. My daughter is my oldest child. All you have to do is give her a look and she gets it but she also is naturally a type of person that always tries to do the right thing.......very easy going type of person.

How about you? What are your feelings on discipline?

Holly



02/10/09  06:49pm

 #1951889


Rae rae
View Profile



  Message To: Cold Blooded Kisser   In reference to Message Id: 1950614


 Discipline

well my feelings i guess are kinda mixed too. i was spanked a few times growing up and it worked for me. but i know that restriction or time out (depending on age) always worked a lot more. i have a "stepson" who is more or less my son. he is 9 years old and i’m his only mother. he lives with his father (my husband) and i. his mother burned him severely when he was a toddler on purpose. he had to be flown to the burn center in texas. anyways... he’s a VERY sweet, gentle, and maybe even submissive child. he never tells me or his dad no. he never yells, screams, or even acts disrespectfully. he never is disrespectful in school or anywhere he goes. he’s a very good kid. however, lately, he’s been getting in more and more trouble. he lies a LOT! he’s beginning to do things he knows he’s not supposed to do in hopes we won’t catch him, but i always do. i now understand my mom when she told me that she sees all and hears all lol! i’ve tried spankings, but he basically isn’t scared of mine because they don’t really hurt like his dad’s. i’ve tried restriction. he messed up BIG TIME at christmas and ended up getting my nephew hurt. so he was grounded for a whole week. it never even phased him. he just finds a book to read and he’s happy. so i’m not sure what i can do??? he had a meltdown about 2 weeks ago. his first and only time to do this: one morning i asked him where his jacket was, he just stared at me. so then i asked again, "where is your jacket?" he then told me that it wasn’t cold outside. btw he hates wearing a jacket. so i simply said "i didn’t ask you if it was cold outside i asked you where your jacket was!" his response left me speechless...he began screaming at me and threw a blanket across the room. he has NEVER done anything like that. i called his school that day and made sure that his counseler saw him. of course she just said that he needed anger management...NOT! he doesn’t have an anger problem if that’s the first time it’s happened in his life. so i’m kinda at the end of the rope with what to do. restriction doesn’t phase him and spankings are pretty much to the point of not hurting him or his feelings anymore. he LOVES to read and i’m not going to stop him from doing that. i don’t know, any advice?



02/13/09  12:29am

 #1952085


Clawedfrogsrule
View Profile



  Message To: Rae rae   In reference to Message Id: 1951889


 Discipline

I’m not a parent, but with my little sister I know that threatening to take away her video games usually works. So if books for him are like video games for her, I would just give him time out in a chair with no books or anything like that to keep him occupied.

It sounds like he does have some issues bottled up that he’s acting on now. Maybe there’s something going on at school, or something even within the family dynamic that has him bothered and he just doesn’t know how to express it to you. I would definately just ask him some questions and see where things go.
As far as the jacket, if he doesn’t want to wear one, tell him that’s fine but not to complain if he gets cold later. If he goes out into the cold without one, that’ll be his own punishment. Or, if he’s like I was, he’ll roll his eyes as he puts on the jacket even though you gave him permission not to.



02/13/09  12:11pm

 #1952115


Cold Blooded Kisser
View Profile



  Message To: Clawedfrogsrule   In reference to Message Id: 1952085


 Discipline

Wow! What a difficult situation! I give you a lot of credit.

My sister has adopted her stepson. His biological mom did some major nasty things to her son and around her son that caused him a lot of damage. Now he’s 14 and you can’t leave alone for a second. He is so very naughty and never used to be.

The only advice I could think of is finding a good therapist, whether it be a psychiatrist or psychologist. Some times people, young or old, need a person to talk to that’s away from the situation and that is not going to show any judgments.

My daughter has been seeing her therapist every week for the past three years. She has or had an unbelievable anxiety disorder that hit my daughter out of no where when she turned 11. She would actually faint from hyperventilation when she became to stressed. Now because of the great help she got that her dad and I could have never helped her with she is doing amazing and is now starting to see her therapist less....every other week.

I’m sorry for what your family is going through. I don’t know if discipline is what your stepson needs, it might just be a listening ear.

Holly



02/13/09  01:48pm

 #1953453


Rae rae
View Profile



  Message To: Cold Blooded Kisser   In reference to Message Id: 1952115


 Discipline

yea. i’ve tried the getting him to talk, but he is very quiet and just basically shuts down. the other day we had another episode. he and i went to walmart and on our way out of the store, heading to the car, he said something to me. i couldn’t hear what he said, as usual. we spend everyday telling him to speak up because he talks sooooo low. after telling him to speak up every single day about 10 times a day it gets soooooo frustrating i just want to scream! so in the parking lot i asked him to repeat what he said loud so i can hear it. he said it again in a whispered voice. i said, "son, you are going to have to speak louder where i can hear you! now what did you say?" he just stared at me. i said, well....what did you say. i told him to speak loud. he flat out told me he wouldn’t do it!!! i was once again thrown back by his remark. i then told him to do it again, he said no. so then i said if he didn’t speak up louder he was going to be in trouble because now he is just simply defying me. he still wouldn’t do it. his excuse he told his father when asked why he defied me was...he didn’t want people looking at him. i was so mad!!!! i really had to walk away from the situation before i started yelling at him. so for the next week i told him if he didn’t speak really loud then we would ignore him. so it worked for about 2 days. now he’s back to whispering for everything he says. it’s driving me absolutely nuts! i know that sounds weird to be so mad over something so simple. but after it’s something you’ve repeated several times a day for months and months and months it will end up getting to you. it’s like why can’t he just listen??!! ok, i’m done ranting and raving for right now, lol



02/15/09  10:49pm

 #1958769


Dane_Zoo
View Profile



  Message To: Rae rae   In reference to Message Id: 1953453


 Discipline

like with dogs, the rolled newspaper works everytime, but thats only for my kids, whose to say it will work on yours



02/25/09  12:24am

 #1959371


Rae rae
View Profile



  Message To: Dane_Zoo   In reference to Message Id: 1958769


 Discipline

lol, my stepson would probably laugh at a rolled up newspaper!! it’s funny because i know my great grandmother used a fly swatter lol!!! anyway, i’m still working with him. it’s a slow progress and i still can’t get him to listen to everything i tell him to do. i have to remember he was abused and he is not disrespectful. he is just being a kid. i know kids are going to get in trouble, they will do what they’re not supposed to do, they will not do things you tell them to do. it’s all in part of being a kid. i need to have more patience with my stepson and my animals, lol’ what’s funny is i’m REALLY good with other people’s kids and dogs. my hobby is dog training. so when somebody else’s dog tries to bite me then it doesn’t bother me and i have patience. if my dog tries to bite me then i go nuts, lol! it’s the same thing with the kids. if somebody else’s kids come over and not mind me i have a lot of patience. if my kid does it theni i go nuts. i guess it’s because i expect more of my kid and my animals than everyone else’s. my tolerance and patience is 2 BIG things i have to work on.



02/26/09  02:01am

 #1960425


Cold Blooded Kisser
View Profile



  Message To: Rae rae   In reference to Message Id: 1959371


 Discipline

Hey rae rae!

I know what you’re going through is serious and I don’t want to make any less of it but when my Friend sent me this e-mail I thought of this discussion right away....................


Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument


Most people think it’s improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of "those moments".


One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.


Some say it’s the vibration from the car, others say it’s the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.


Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.


I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.


Sincerely,

Your Friend







This was way too funny not to share. Hope you enjoyed it!

Holly



02/27/09  08:05pm

 #1967657


Rae rae
View Profile



  Message To: Cold Blooded Kisser   In reference to Message Id: 1960425


 Discipline

lol! pretty funny



03/12/09  11:54pm


Back to *General Misc Forum   Forums   Home   Members Area