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 #1945673


Mama42
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 Any writers/poets/whatev...lol

ok i feel kind of stupid! but, who cares.. i need some opinions...

i am writing some intros to my dragons at Dragon Cave and i need some advise or some direction. what am i doing wrong, besides being corny haha...

ok the first one:


The Blue Lady Mishakal

Mishakal-
Also known as The Blue Lady, is said to live in the ocean at the far northernmost region of the Dragon World. They say she has been there for a very long time. Legend has it, she is waiting for someone, anyone really, to come along with a question that needs answered. They call her the Wise One! For centuries, it has been sung that men have gone seeking the knowledge that she has been cursed with by the High Gods. It is also said, that those who dare to venture that far north, never, ever return.

the second one:

The Blue Lady Mishakal

Mishakal-
Also known as The Blue Lady, is said to live in the ocean at the far northernmost region of the Dragon World. They say she has been there for a very long time. Mishakal, often referred to as The Sea-bringer, is very sad and lonely. Legend has it, she has a very powerful and immortal gift of sight. Men have crossed treacherous lands and seas to find her and failed. Therefore, she has always been alone.

and the third. a little more how they want it i think....

Mishakal-
Also known as the Blue Lady, is watcher over all that dwell in the depths of the seas. She keeps them safe and protected from any of the other dragons. She is very playful and loves to swim with the dolphins and other creatures as well. there she resides forever, for she has no wings to fly and no legs to walk on the land. But, that doesnt bother her. She loves her job and does it well.

btw..she is a water dragon! ha!! and this last one kinda goes along with the story line. but, i like the others better lol...

ok. be critical! i dont care! tell me it stinks! i dont care! if they dont like it, they kill my dragon!! let me know if its too corny or over dramatic or just stupid!! haha....idc!!


my fav was the first. though i know their are tons of mistakes. its just so hard to get the words right sometimes...

the second is ok. but, i wanted to try another appoach i think.

the last is more what i think they are looking for.


thanks for reading and or criticizing......



02/03/09  12:56am

 #1945680


Mama42
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  Message To: Mama42   In reference to Message Id: 1945673


 Any writers/poets/whatev...lol

oops!!! i meant to add this. my dragons :)



02/03/09  01:06am

 #1945698


MikeIsEvil
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  Message To: Mama42   In reference to Message Id: 1945680


 Any writers/poets/whatev...lol

MY GOD WHAT AN ABSOLUTE STINKER! *shields nose* YOURE COMPUTER DESERVES TO BE DESTROYED!!!!




..kidding ofcourse. Lol. Thats actually really creative! But I dont understand, is it like.....for a story? Game? I dont know, Im confused....Lol. But still pretty cool!

Btw, like......Arent Dragons like something...you *whispers* and god *stops whispering* wouldnt believe in...only...*shifty eyes* witches and evil people! *distant female scream*...I hope you dont mind that I just made another bad joke....Lmao. ;P




Mike,



02/03/09  02:28am

 #1945801


Mama42
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  Message To: MikeIsEvil   In reference to Message Id: 1945698


 Any writers/poets/whatev...lol

its for a game. called Dragon Cave. you should check it out...

btw...im not a complete religious nut! i have my beliefs, but there are a lot of things i like. Horror movies, dragons..lol



02/03/09  09:43am

 #1947852


Clawedfrogsrule
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  Message To: Mama42   In reference to Message Id: 1945801


 Any writers/poets/whatev...lol

My only concern is the the first two start out kind of the same way, so if you could just change up one of them, maybe have one in a South sea instead of North...lol
Other than that it seems interesting though.



02/05/09  09:47pm

 #1947962


Mama42
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  Message To: Clawedfrogsrule   In reference to Message Id: 1947852


 Any writers/poets/whatev...lol

hey Clawedfrogs...

yeah, i like the beginning on that is why i used it again in the second one. but, i went ahead with the third. i think the first 2 are a little much for what they wanted. and i got a good vote for the third so far . but, thanks for the tips and such. now i gotta think of something for a 2 headed dragon....lmao



02/06/09  02:58am


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